


On the Coldest Day in Hell

by stardust_20



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Coulson and Skye having a personal talk, Coulson's self revelations about May's vacation, Gen, Melinda May/Andrew Garner relationship, Phil Coulson & Melinda May Friendship, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:25:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust_20/pseuds/stardust_20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Is May ever coming back?"  "I don't know, Skye. I just don't know."</p><p>Agent May hasn't returned from her time away from Shield and Skye wonders if she's ever coming back.</p><p>No real spoilers for season 3, however I did read the summary of what to expect in upcoming episodes which said that May won't be back (yet) when the show begins, and this fic was born. Set approximately during S3E01, Laws of Nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Coldest Day in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters or the universe they belong to. I just enjoy playing with them because they're awesome and there are so many more stories to be told that there just aren't time for on tv. :)
> 
> The title for this story comes from the song "On the Coldest Day in Hell" by Asia. Lyrics prefacing the story are from that song as well. (Which I also don't own, but love.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this oneshot. :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Do you remember years ago?  
All our hopes would ebb and flow  
We thought we'd find a promised land  
Our footprints in the sand  
The mysteries, the twists of fate  
Have changed the path from love to hate  
But won't erase sins of the past  
They hide behind the mask  
If I could conquer all our fears  
Can forgiveness dry the tears?  
If I falter, my soul I'll sell  
On the coldest day in hell

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

 

Agent Coulson was tired. He still thought of himself as “agent” though the others referred to him as “director”, or in Skye’s case, “C”. He didn’t mind the nickname; of all the people he dealt with on a daily basis, she was the one who was closest to him.

Still, good as his relationship with her was, and as happy as he was that she’d stepped up in a big way and was taking charge of her own people and being his right hand, as it were, he was tired. There were more enemies out there after them than he had fingers on his good hand, and he had more questions and mysteries to solve than people to help solve them, what with half of his most trusted people incapable, missing or AWOL, all perhaps never to return.

“Can I ask you something, C?” 

He knew it was Skye even before she spoke. He’d learned in the same school as May; learning how to recognize people by their gait and smell as much as their appearance was crucial to not being surprised out in the field.

He looked over at her. “Shoot.” 

“Is May ever coming back?”

 _Of all the tough questions …_ “I don’t know.”

“Have you talked with her since she left?”

He bit his lip. “No.”

“Why not?” Her forehead crinkled. “I thought you cared about her.”

“I do, Skye, but she needed to get away from here, from us, and I don’t want to intrude on her privacy.”

“Is she okay? She’s been gone six weeks. How do you know she didn’t bump into Ward or someone else bent on annihilating Shield? She might be dead and we’d never know it.”

“She’s okay.”

“And you know this how?” Skye asked slowly, giving him that sideways look he knew all too well.

“I’ve been in touch with Andrew.”

“Oh.” And then realization dawned. “Oh … she went away with him? Really? Are they back together?”

“I don’t know.” There seemed to be an awful lot he didn’t know, and he was pretty certain there were things he didn’t know that he didn’t even know he didn’t know yet.

Skye faced him full on. “How could she just leave us like that? She knows what we’re up against and leaving us unprotected … ?” She left the thought hanging.

“That’s why she trained you, Skye,” he said gently. “ _You’re_ protecting us now. May left because she needed to. I’ve known for some time that she’s been unhappy here and since confronting the Inhumans … “ He didn’t know how to finish.

“It took her back to Bahrain.”

That was the Skye he knew and loved. Always perceptive, always knowing what you meant even when you couldn’t quite voice it. “Yes. She needs time to process what happened, to come to terms with what she did, why she did it, and how she’s going to live with the consequences and move forward, especially now knowing you’re one of them and we’re forming an alliance with them.”

“I thought that’s what the five years she was off active duty was for. Facing the truth and dealing with it.”

“She was hiding, not facing it.” He’d known, all through those years, that she’d been in avoidance mode but neither he nor Andrew could convince her to talk about it. The wound had seemed to be closed on the surface but inside he knew the poison was still there, still needed to be excised before she could heal. The battle with the Inhumans, and having to fight Skye herself, hadn’t perhaps been the nicest way but it had forced her to confront her demons head-on and get them out in the open. “She’s finally able to talk about what happened and she needs time to do that, to come to terms with what happened to her and their marriage. It destroyed her life and nearly destroyed her completely. What happened left lasting scars inside that I don’t know if she can get past. Working with Shield may not be something she can deal with anymore, especially given the direction we’re going in. Eva and Katya will always haunt her.”

Skye’s voice was small, hollow. “Will she have trouble accepting me now, knowing what I am?”

“I can’t speak for her,” he answered carefully, honestly, hurting with her. “She’s … “ An enigma. Always had been, always would be, as much as he thought he knew her. “ … going to be different when and if she comes back. I’m hopeful some of the old May I used to know might come back, but I’m more inclined to think she’ll be a very different person from the one I used to know years ago, and the one we’ve both known these last couple of years.”

Skye looked around the room, the world map taking up one wall, one wall full of computer screens, and in amongst all of the fantastic technology, Coulson’s antiques and trinkets. “Do you want her to come back?” she asked slowly, remembering as she spoke the quote she’d heard recently - don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

Pain sliced through his chest. “Yes I do. Very much.”

She looked him straight in the face. “Does she know you do? I know you guys have a way of communicating without using words but sometimes people need to hear these things out loud.”

She walked past him, pausing for a second and he was sure she wanted to give him a hug, but she continued on through the office and out the door, leaving him as literally alone as he felt emotionally. He had Skye, and she was as precious to him as anything he’d ever cared about in his life, and he had Fitz and Mack and even Hunter, but without May he felt alone. Separate and apart from everyone and everything. She’d always been there for him and he’d taken it for granted she always would be; even when he’d told her to leave before, she hadn’t really left and had still taken it upon herself to be his protector. And friend.

She’d left because of him. Everything he’d told Skye had been true, but it had only been a partial truth. May had left because of _him_ , because of his lies and deceit, knowing he hadn’t trusted her, and wondering if there was still enough common ground between them that they could work together and serve the same purpose, and maybe even still be friends. She needed to deal with that as much as with the fallout from Bahrain, and hopefully come to a place of acceptance where she could be among the living again.

Coulson gave a heartfelt sigh as pain tightened his chest. Whatever her decision might be about the future, she needed to know how he felt. 

He picked up his phone and touched her number ...

_~ fin ~_


End file.
